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and again, i haven't updated in a long time. *sigh* i don't really know what i want or need to say. i'm pretty much just updating to update and get november off the front page. i had a good christmas. got lots of neat stuff from my parents and grandparents. lots of useful things, which is nice. usually i ask for a lot of frivolous stuff, but this year i didn't. i got a new hair dryer, and let me tell you how much i love that thing. my old one was so crappy. i've had that thing for like 8 years. it took forever to dry my hair with it, and it made my hair all frizzy. the new dryer takes about a third of the time, and my hair looks fabulous. no frizzies. i like it when little things like that happen. it just makes life less annoying. i took the most fabulous bath tonight. mommy gave me some neato milk bath stuff and i put it in there. not only did it smell sooo very nice and comforting, but the bath was nice and warm and quiet and fabulous. i left my tv on, so i could listen to it. lit a few candles and had me some nice much-needed chill time. mom also gave me these funny little booties in my stocking. you're supposed to put them on after you put lotion on your feet, and they give your feet time to soak it all up. combined with the awesome foot lotion she gave me some time ago, my feetsies are very happy tonight. i was going to repaint my toenails, but i lost my motivation. tomorrow i have to finish unpacking and clean up my room. ooh, then i get to set up the awesome surround sound system my parents gave me. that was the one big present i wanted this year. my stereo is pretty dead (it's about as old as the hair dryer), but rather than just get another stereo, i asked for dvd/cd player surround sound system. i'm keeping my old stereo in my room, because i can hook it up to my computer and the speakers kick a whole lot more butt than the crappy computer speakers. so in the end, it all works out beautifully. i should go to bed. i've been sick again, and i need rest, but i'm just not tired. and i'm enjoying being back in orlando and having the apartment all to myself. tomorrow, after i unpack, i have to start job hunting. i have a few ideas of where i want to work, but that doesn't mean much unless they come to fruition, right? monday i need to get my nails filled, because i waited too long and they're driving me nuts. they're too long and are coming off. i should just pull the things off and have a new set put on, but that hurts like a mofo when they file the tops of my nails over and over. my nails are too thin for that. :( oh well. hey, so much for updating just to update, right?

i'm bored, so i'm updating. it's been an interesting week, and it's not over yet. yesterday at rehearsal, i whacked myself in the head with my flag. i've got a big bump there now, and i'm waiting for it to bruise over. i'm hoping it won't bruise too badly, but we'll see. hurts a whole lot. :( tomorrow we've got a game against kent state. i hope we win, because i'm sick of watching our football team lose. on another note, boys are dumb. i'd elaborate, but i'm still too frustrated to properly word certain situations. i've got rehearsal in about an hour and a half, but i really don't feel like going, especially since i feel so stupid for smacking myself with the flag. well, i can't really think of anything else to say, so that's that. hurrah.

i think this is the longest period i've gone without updating. if anyone still reads this, they probably think i fell off the face of the earth or something. well, i haven't. i've just been super busy. i'm finally done with my pledge period for alpha phi omega. i'm a neophyte until i get initiated and become a brother. hurrah! tau beta sigma keeps me busy too, as well as marching band. i can't wait til my little sister goes through and becomes a sister. i have so many ideas for things i want to give her when she finishes her process. i don't know what else to say, really.. i've been slacking in my classes, and i'm a bit worried about my grades... oh well. what happens, happens, right? there's something else i want to talk about, a certain someone, but i don't want to jinx things, so i'm not going to. if you're really dying to know, im me or something. okay... my arm hurts, so i'm going to stop now. hopefully i'll update sooner than two months from now. :/

oh boy, i really haven't updated in a while. classes started a couple of weeks ago, they're quite tolerable this semester. i'm enjoying being back at ucf. i'm hardly ever on the computer, because i finally have cool roommates and neighbors and all. i'm always downstairs watching tv or sitting outside, just chillin. i'm finally kicking this cold, too. my nose gets a little stuffy when i wake up, but that's about it.

i went to the penn state game with the marching band this past weekend. 22 hour bus rides, bleh! but i had a good time. met someone new... teehee. we got robbed in the game, though. there was one touchdown we should have had, but the refs were being dumb and wouldn't give it to us. if we had gotten that touchdown, we would have ended up winning the game. bleh! bleh i say!

so today i'm just chilling, since it's labor day and there are no classes. it's nice to have a day to unpack and recuperate after that trip. in two weeks, we go to marshall on another away trip. this time, the entire band goes, not just returning members. my friends and i are already figuring out the bus seating arrangement in our heads, since we got stuck with some real jerks who were vcr nazis this past trip. oh well. i know who i want to sit with, hehe.

hmm.. what else is there to say... not much else going on with me. my life pretty much consists of band/classes/hanging out. i'm liking not being on the computer all the time. i feel like more of a person, having a social life and all. i really missed marching band and all the friends that go along with it, and i'm super glad i'm back. i just have to make sure i do super well this semester so i don't get put on academic suspension again. :/ okay, i think that's all i have to say... if i can think of anything else, i'll add another entry. and hopefully i'll update more often in the future!

another update! woohoo! well, guard camp started friday and finished yesterday. i ache all over, but damn it felt great to have that flag in my hands again. i have the day off today, then band camp starts tomorrow. i can't wait to get out there on the field with all my friends. it's going to be awesome. in other news, my roommate and i are almost done with our hot man table. we got it all painted and stuck the pictures on, now all we have to do is seal it. and now i've got to run, so i'll say more later! lol

haven't updated in a while. i'm such a lazy butt. :( oh well. i am now moved up to orlando. i moved in yesterday, with the help of my parents and roommate. we went for the whole inflatable furniture thing after all, and it looks really cool. i brought my 20-gallon fish tank, and a giant inflatable palm tree. we're going to try to get a whole island/beach party thing going. it should be really awesome when we've got it all together. my room is another story, though. my walls are pretty much completely bare, save for one framed david bowie record, a blue sailor moon clock, a blacklight, and some beaded curtains on my bathroom doorway. very boring, very not-me. but i'm going to be cutting the vin diesel pictures out of the copy of GQ i got. oh, one of my roommates and i decided that we're going to paint our crappy coffee table white, then decoupage pictures of hot men onto the top of it. not very island/beach-ish, but it'll certainly be a fun conversation piece!

so i'm really broke. i would get a job, but between school and marching band, i don't have much time for anything else. i have my parents to help me out a good bit, but they only give me enough to cover the supreme basics (like food). little extra things, i just can't get. so if you're feeling generous or charitable, click on the little paypal button on the bottom left side of the screen and send me a few bucks. i'd love you forever for it.

y'know, i really hate rude people. i mean, i can tolerate it in small doses, but some people are just flat-out permanently rude. it's too bad i encounter most of them online, because i'd really love to smack a few of them around. argh!

i got myself some sushi today. yummy sushi. i love sushi. it's good stuff. if you've never had sushi, you're missing out. and don't say you hate raw fish and will never try it, because you can get veggie rolls and stuff. so nyah! hmm... what else is there to say? i start band camp on friday, so from that day until school starts, i'll probably be too dead tired to be online much. so if you IM me and i'm really unresponsive or take off quickly, don't take it personally. just know that i've been running around a field all day, marching and spinning.

i'm trying to make this entry long because the space is so big, and with only one entry in there, it looks really empty and dumb. so now i'm going to ramble. ramble ramble ramble. and now i'll do some babbling. babble babble babble. well, that took up a little bit of space. :D well, i'm going to go curl up in bed with a bottle of coke and the rest of my sushi and see what's on the boob tube. muah to everyone who reads this! :*

*sigh* where to start... well, let's start with the mundane, shall we? i spent saturday - today in orlando with friends. had a lot of fun, playing video games and going to the anime store. got home today and my package was here, with tons of pocky for me to munch on, and some other little japanese-candy-goodies. i got my mom to try some pocky, and she liked it (yay!). i got the squall griever necklace today too.. tried it on, it's freakin long and the chain is insanely big. but i still love it. knowing me, i'll manage to work it into one of my clubbing outfits. i can't wait to move back to orlando. the apartment will be pretty empty at first, because most of the furniture there is going with the girl whose room i'm taking. so we're going to go to a used furniture place and get a big old ghetto couch. or we might just get inflatable furniture, who knows. what else....i think that's about it, as far as boring things go...

have you ever not been able to decide if what you're doing is really worth it, or really what you want to be doing? that's where i am. but i also believe that if something is meant to happen, it'll happen. things will work themselves out in the way which they should be. so i won't make any decisions right now, because when i move, my life will change and then i'll be better able to gauge what i should do. on another note, i'm really hurt. someone that was close to me really really hurt me... so much that i had to lash out at said person, and i said a lot of things that i normally wouldn't. but i just got pushed too far, and when you push me too far, you're just asking for trouble. so now things are worse than ever, but at least i didn't back down. i won't back down.

well, i don't know what else to say... so i think i'm just going to go nibble on some pocky and chat with various people until i get tired enough to go to bed.

i feel the need to update, but i'm not quite sure what i want or need to say. i feel mentally exhausted tonight. i tried to talk to a certain person, and was completely blown off. it hurts really bad. i still love said person very much, and care just as much.. but i understand that i hurt this person, and i only hope that someday we can be friends again.. but for now, i'll sit and hurt.

well, it feels good to get that out. it feels like there's more floating around my head, but i don't know what i want to say... i'm so confused lately... i don't know what i want, or who i want, or what i want to do... at least now i know where i'll be going to school. i got a letter from ucf yesterday, and it said that i've been readmitted, which is awesome. i registered for classes that night, so it's official. it'll be nice to march again, and now i can get my four-year award. i'll probably end up marching for three more seasons, so i'll finish with a sixth year award. rock on! i keep losing my train of though, too many ims... *sigh* well, i guess i'll go back to randomly camming, playing spider solitaire, talking to random people, and waiting for dom to get back online.. that's another thing that confuses me. when we talk online, it's great. he's such an awesome guy, and we get along great. but when he was visiting, it just seemed off. i don't understand it.. but i think it was strained and i was expecting too much.. maybe. and i figured out why i have such an issue about his potentially cheating... i can't trust anyone. and with my anxiety, little things get turned into big things, until i've got myself so wound up about it that i can't sit still. i know he's forgiven me, but.. i still think i haven't paid for what i did... i only hope he feels that i'm worth it to stick around through this and wait for me to figure out what i want... *sigh* hrm.. you notice that whenever i say i'm done typing, i find more things to talk about? i guess that's just the way my mind runs. okay, off i go now.

song of the moment: freek - george michael

just got back from orlando. haven't updated in a while, got a lot of random stuff going on. still working on getting back into ucf. dom came down to visit for a few days. it didn't go quite as i had expected. i decided we're better off apart, because there are things about him that bothered me, mainly his inability to quit flirting and fooling around with random girls. oh well. now i can go back to fooling around with whoever i want and not have to answer to anyone.

i don't know what else is going on.. my family is in new york now, so i've got the house to myself for 11 days. no wild parties planned, just some nice quiet downtime in front of the television. oh, i got a new shirt while i was at the happy anime store in orlando. it has chocobos on it and says 'chocobo fever'. so cute! i'm wearing it now, it's the perfect size. not so tight that it stretches across my chest, but not so loose that it looks ridiculous. they had another shirt i want to get, so next time i'm up there, i'll have to run and grab it. i think this weekend i'll stay at home, because the weekend after (19 - 21) my friend wants to have an all-weekend party. i'll have to be there, of course, because i'm her partner in partying and future roommate. anyway, i don't really know what else to say, i'm pretty much just updating because i had to change the months on my blog and i didn't want a blank page coming up for july. i'd say i'll try to update more often, but i know i won't. i haven't been doing much work on any of my sites, so that's why i don't update this much. and i've been out of town a lot lately. maybe this week i'll get a few good updates in, though. we shall see!

here's a friggin update, erin! :p

still slow on the updates, i know. i've been preoccupied with my real life lately. still trying to get back into ucf, making some headway though. sent requests to both other schools to have my transcripts sent, and filled out the online readmission form. also got my federal aid information done, and ready to mail. good stuff, good stuff. turns out i'm not going to new york, because it just interferes with my time. i need to have that time available in case i have to run up to orlando or something. i'll be up there for the fourth of july. and my dear dom is coming to visit me, finally! it'll be nice to finally spend some time with him, and have him meet a good chunk of my friends. yay! i'm excited!

i cleaned my room today. i was feeling very happy after finishing all that school-related stuff, so i cleaned my room, did dishes, made brownies... all this crazy stuff. sometimes i really surprise myself. man it's hot in here. i should go turn down the air conditioning... i should have more to say, since i haven't been posting much, but i really don't... my time is all being sucked into sleeping and working on getting back into ucf. oh well. maybe i'll think of some more junk to say later. blah!

slow on the updating again. added a link to my message board, so go visit and register and post. if enough of my 'fans' start posting there, i'll make a forum for it. anyway, not much going on in my life right now. been considering moving back up to orlando and going back to ucf. talked to my mom about it today, and she's really supportive. it can't be that hard to get back in, and i have so much fun when i'm up there. oh well.. we'll see! if i can find an apartment, i can move up there after we get back from new york. but i'm not pushing it right now.

i'm debating whether i want to go back up this weekend. it would be cool, because i could run by campus and see about reapplying, and i could also start looking for an apartment. i don't know what i would do with my fish tank... i guess i would leave it here and let mom take care of it.. or i could try to take it with me... hrm. oh well, i shouldn't even start to think about that until i know i'm moving back up. mom wants me to clean my room. i said i'd do it tonight, but i don't know... i have the energy though, and nothing else to do, so i just might clean. it's not that bad, just a big pile of clothes on my chair, and a messy desk. it would probably take me all of half an hour to clean up. so i guess i'll clean it tonight. i have to vacuum tomorrow. mondo suckage, but i went to the beach last thursday night, and brought home a lot of sand in my jeans and shoes. so now it's all over the floor and it's all gritty and crap. ah well.

i'm stressing out over stupid things... things that there's no point stressing over. i need to talk to people, open the lines of communication, and start working through some of this junk. some people are just too hard to get a hold of and aren't very talkative when i do get a hold of them... *sigh* i'm so confused... ah well. my bed isn't as comfy anymore, sleeping by myself and all. even sleeping on a hard floor is better, when there are friends all around. i always did love a good sleepover. anyway, i'm going to go clean now. i'll try to post more often, but i just don't like being on the computer anymore. i'd rather be out in the world, chilling with real people and getting my groove on. ah well.

sorry i haven't updated in a while. been away from the computer for the most part. i went to orlando this past weekend. it was lots of fun. i want to go back this weekend, since i have nothing else to do. i'm also hoping someone can come visit me before i go off to new york for a couple of weeks. if that person can come visit me afterwards though, it would be nice too. ^_^

what else to say.. not much to talk about, really. i went to work with my dad on monday. it's a beautiful office building. mostly used by a boat building company, so there are boats everywhere outside. it's right on the water. very cool. what else to say... i don't know! i've been going to bed super early lately, because i get tired early. i'll probably go crash in a little while. being online is really boring when certain people aren't around to talk to. oh, i got a new plush munkee today. he's wearing a hawaiian shirt. my mom got him for me. i also got the new david bowie cd. i already had it downloaded and burned, but i wanted the 'legal' copy for the cover art and booklets and all. what kind of david bowie fan would i be if i didn't actually buy his music? anyway, i don't have much else to say, so i'm going to get some sleep. from now on, i'll also try to remember to post whatever song i'm listening to at the moment, because i think that's kinda cool.

current song: bt - dreaming

wow, i'm updating early in the day. well, the roses from my birthday are finally dying. they smell a little funky, but i don't have the heart to chuck them yet. i was going to save the petals, but they're a little icky now.. maybe i'll just dry the roses and be done. i updated a few small things, like my age, the cam pic, and i added another clique made by the fabulous owner of the most fabulous site, angelcage.org. he's a david bowie fan, so i have to love him. go visit his site, right now! shoo!

still here? well hot damn. i guess i should keep blabbering. i went to the doctor last wednesday. very nice, young doctor. she couldn't have been more than a few years older than i am. but anyway, she gave me paxil to take for my anxiety, and some good heavy-duty lotions for my dry skin. i think it would be safe to say the paxil is starting to work.. i mean, certain things have been driving me mad, worrying and fretting over them.. but this morning, i seem to magically have the ability to say to myself 'no, i don't want to think about that, i know i'm just being silly, so i'm going to think about something else now'. inredible, isn't it? i'd feel a lot better, but i'm a bit hungry... tomorrow, i have to go have some blood work done. the doctor wants to make sure my thyroid is okay. the way i eat and all, i really should be thin as a rail. but for some reason, i'm not. so we'll see.

hmm.. what else can i say... oh, i got my new webcam. and i got another david bowie record. and four really kickass posters. one is an original movie poster from the labyrinth (which is my absolute favorite movie ever, david bowie-ness abounds!) , two salvador dali prints, and another print of a giant wave. very cool. they're still all rolled up, because i won't put them up unless i've got frames for them. no more posters and icky-ness in my room, i want everything framed and beeyootiful. speaking of beeyootiful, my grandmother gave me her old easel and a humongous round canvas. she had some beach scene painted on it, but she said i could paint over it, so i gessoed right over it then painted it black. now i'm going to paint some funky abstract red flowers on it, with some white highlights, and hope i can find a space on my walls that's big enough for it. hmm... i don't think there's anything else to say... oh! darn you dom for making me download that song, it's still on repeat and i lurve it muchly. and i still love you, even though you suck at slingo and the only thing you can cook is mac and cheese. muah, dahling. and muah to the rest of you fools who read this. you make blabbering about my oh-so-hum-drum life exciting and not so hum-drum. drama, dahling, drama! i'm feeling dramatic and silly today. i feel like putting my feather boas on and big clunky pink shoes, and cheesy sunglasses and.. well, you get the picture. oh, and i'm becoming quite fond of pink. bright, barbie pink. it's so adorable. i must go shopping for more pink! pink is a fabulous color. you should all love it. i love it so much that it just might replace purple as my favorite... *gasp* yes! hard to believe, isn't it? okay, i'm really truly done now. i need to feed my fishies and then feed myself.

birthday came and went. i got some neat-o stuff from my parents and grandparents, including an amethyst ring and amethyst earrings. very pretty. i got obnoxiously pink seat covers for my car, with the powerpuff girls on them. i could blabber about my birthday some more, but it wasn't terribly eventful, just a quiet day with the family.

i sorta got my cam working. i propped it up on a candle for now.. but i'm hoping that new cam will get here today or tomorrow. ah well. i got a basement jaxx cd, rooty, and i can't stop listening to it. yes dear, i know i need to rip it and upload it for you. maybe if i get bored, i'll do that tonight... anyway, life's really dull again, now that my birthday's gone... i stopped biting my nails again, and stopped putting fake nails on, so i'm hoping they'll keep growing and won't break. speaking of which, i need to repaint them tonight. tomorrow i have a doctor's appointment. mom and i figured out i have anxiety problems, among other things, so we're hoping the doctor can help out a little. actually, i'm just hoping for pills that will make me mindlessly happy, since life is so boring lately.

so i was just sitting here earlier, being bored, checking out people's away messages. i check my ex's, and it says something about him being really happy because he's getting a new car and has a new girlfriend. so i was like 'oh wow, kickass, i guess he's over me finally'. so i message him, and he freaks out. says something like he'll never put a message like that up again, goodnight, and then signs off. o.O i was sitting there completely thrown, because i was just trying to be friendly. i mean, jeeze, i don't want to be enemies. he knows me better than most people out there, i'd like to be friends at the very least. oh well. some people i'll never understand.

sooooo... now what to say? my back's been hurting again. maybe i've been sleeping wrong... doesn't help that i've got so many pillows and stuffed animals on my bed, and i have to sleep at a funny angle. dum de dum... well i guess i'll take this opportunity to say that i love my bubby and he needs to hurry up and come down here so i can glomp him all the time and gank his clothes and all that silly girlfriend stuff. ^_^ and now... i shall go be bored some more! hurrah!

birthday countdown: 1 day

having an interesting day... sort of good, but sort of bad. my mom broke my webcam. i got a nice sized canvas and went to town on a piece i've had floating around in my head. i'm going to put it up in my room when it's done. i've spent the last hour or so working on my dad's company site. it's a pain in the butt, considering i don't have all the resources i need. *sigh* i'll finish it tomorrow. i got a good chunk done tonight, anyway. the boyfriend is out having fun tonight, so i'm all by my lonesome until he gets home (which i hope is before i crash). i'm hopped up on sugar and diet coke right now, so i don't think i'll be going to bed anytime soon. what else is there to say... oh, i got a card and $50 from my grandparents on my father's side today. good stuff. i don't have a lot of relatives, so the only people i count on getting birthday presents from are my four grandparents, my parents, and my uncle glenn and his family (mom's side). i'm not complaining, trust me, i get plenty from my parents and grandparents on my mother's side. saturday night i'll be going to see spiderman with a friend from design class. it's nice to have friends 'n stuff. i was thinking about doing some origami tonight, but i can find better uses for my time, like playing games or sleeping. maybe i should finish my painting... i bet if i cleared off my desk, i could put it up here, instead of having to scrunch down on the floor with bad lighting. i think i'll do that. short entry today, compared to other days, but that's okay, right?

birthday countdown: 3 days

have you ever been so frustrated with every single aspect of your life that you want to flip everyone and everything the bird and crawl into bed for a few days? that's how i feel. there is nothing, absolutely nothing in my life in which i take comfort, or which i know is certain and solid. i can't trust anyone. certain people seem like they're out to make me miserable, because they can't move on. others, because they can't forgive. and still others who try too hard. i'm so sick of everything. i figured something out today, though. whenever i'm in a relationship, and it starts getting serious, i freak out. i didn't even realize it, but it's been a freakin pattern since high school. i find ways to get out of it, i find things to start arguments over... it's my fuckin' curse. and i don't know how to fix it. maybe it's part of my anxiety problem. i'm so afraid that i'll make a mistake.. but i'm not afraid of hurting myself. i know i'm strong enough to walk away from something that really isn't working, but i'm afraid of getting someone too deep into me and then having to hurt them. i don't know what to do with myself.... i'm sick of hurting guys.. and in hurting them, i later end up hurting myself. i don't know what to do. i really don't. i wish there was someone i could talk to, but there isn't. no one at all. life blows.

for once, i just want a perfect, simple love. something that just happens, out of the blue, and works out so perfectly.. it's like it was designed by heaven itself. that's all i want.

birthday countdown: 6 days

today, i went shopping with my parents in cityplace, which is in downtown west palm beach. i'd never been there before, but it was really nice and a lot of fun. until it started getting crowded. but, luckily, by then we were headed home. i got a nice plain black frame, made specifically for old record albums (mine will serve to display my one and only bowie record, lodger). we found a nice little shop full of incredibly awesome smelling candles. the entire time i was in there, i kept thinking how nice it would be to fill an apartment with beautiful candles and furniture, and who i'd like to share that apartment with. which leads me to my next bit o' ramble. i'm hoping by the end of the summer, i'll be moving back out of here and into my own (yes, my own) apartment which i will share with a certain someone. since i've got so many semesters left, but not nearly enough classes (stupid prerequisites!) i'll be getting a job and working part-time (maybe full-time, depends on how much work my dad wants me to do for him) and finishing school. i'm already thinking about how i want to decorate. isn't that silly of me? i love candles though, and i'll insist on having plenty of those around. candlelight just makes things so intimate and romantic. even sitting around on the computer is almost sensual when there are a few proper candles burning away nearby. like tonight, i've got a big four-wick square candle, a 4x4 herbal essences pillar candle, and a small votive burning. combined with some lovely incense, it's making my night much more tolerable. and now, i move on. i was supposed to go out tonight, but my friend has failed to call me back. i'm not surprised in any way, she does this quite often. i wish that certain someone i was talking about earlier was here, then i would have someone to romp on the beach with, go out to romantic dinners, go to clubs just to get trashed and stumble back home, falling all over each other, stripping down as soon as we get through the door, and later falling asleep in each other's arms, only to wake up with the sunday sun beaming through a window on us. *sigh* sometimes i let my mind wander a wee bit too far. oh well. at least it's not pure dreaming anymore... i've found the person i want to share all this with, now it's just a matter of making it happen, which we all know is easier than finding someone special enough in the first place.

starting reading a new book last night, confessions of a shopaholic. i forget the name of the author. some british woman. target has recently gotten a few cutesy books by british female authors, and the one i read before this one (jemima j, by jane green) was quite entertaining. i finished the book in one day, which certainly says something about it. anyway, i doubt i'll do any reading tonight, as i've got games on my mind. although, i could stand to just sit here and write some poetry, or read from my book of chinese proverbs. i always read those and feel so inspired to change my life, then wake up tomorrow and feel like shit again.

i was going to start on something else, but i forgot what... i tend to do that a lot. i really wasn't planning on saying this much tonight, but i guess it's just spilling out of me. oh yes! sorry i haven't been on my cam lately. i don't much feel like it anymore, the novelty has worn off. the only person i'd go on it for, i can video chat through yahoo with. one of these days i'll get on the cam, but not tonight. well, i do believe i've said everything that's floating around in my little noggin'... i know the first person to read this will be my dom, so i must repeat once again how much i love him and can't wait for him to be here with me. *muah!* to you, dear!

so i've got this paula abdul dance aerobics tape, and i thought it'd be a good idea to do it at midnight. although i feel good, i'm really sweaty and i just don't feel like taking *another* shower. tomorrow morning i'm going to get up early (which is 10 am for me) and go rollerblading, before it gets ultra hot. i'm determined to lose the extra few pounds that i've been griping about for a while now. i can't change my eating habits, because if i eat any less, i'll be anorexic. i eat maybe two meals a day, and i don't snack at all. oh, and in case you're wondering, my meals are small and healthy. :p well, i'd say more, but i just got a new book the other day, and i'd like to start reading it before my self-imposed 2 am bedtime. toodles!

ugh. put my monitor up on the back/middle part of the desk. now i either have to squint to see the screen or put my glasses on and have my eyes hurt. *sigh* i know some people are going to read yesterday's entry and be hurt, while others are elated, and there's nothing i can do about that. i have to live for myself, and act on my emotions in whatever way i see fit. i don't like hurting people, but there's nothing i can do. i'm happy, i really truly am. a little scared, and doubtful... but hopeful and excited at the same time. i hope what i'm doing doesn't come back to bite me in the ass... i love you dom, but man, i hope you're not pullin' my leg or anything.

i wrote that poem i was talking about in the last entry, but i don't want to post it. it's too personal, too mushy. most of the time, my poems are very anonymous, as far as who i'm referring to. but this one is way too easy to guess, so it'll stay in my book for a while, until this is either set in stone, or it's fallen so far into the past i feel comfortable sharing my poem with the rest of the world. for now, there is only one person who will read it.

i don't know what else to say. my mind is a virtual battlefield of emotion. what should i say, and what should stay in my head? this is my space to talk and rant and share, right? so why am i tiptoeing around people? this is MY damn place in the world, where it's only about me, no one else. this is MY time to bask in the spotlight. how do you tell someone that you're moving on without hurting them? how do you go about your everyday life without ruining theirs? god damn. maybe i'm doing this because it's late, i'm tired, and i'm not thinking entirely clearly, but i've got to live my life and clear my mind. mark, i love you, i always will, but you and i were not meant to be. we had enough to keep it going for a while, but this is not our time. this was not meant to be. dom, i don't know if we're meant to be, but i hope so. the steps we're taking are a little scary, because if something doesn't work out, it's not something that'll go away in a night. i just hope you and i work out. we really do have so much in common that it's scary, and the only differences we have are things like favorite baseball teams and some musical tastes. i just hope i'm doing the right thing...

as the pain sweeps through
makes no sense for you
every thrill has gone
wasn't too much fun at all
but i'll be there for you
as the world falls down

or at least, i'll try....

another pretty dull day in the life of me. something new though - i've got a boyfriend now. yes, yes. you see the entry two down from this one? that's the person i'm talking about. i keep losing my train of thought because of ims. i know some people are going to read this and go 'wtf??' but i'm not going to hide my happiness from the world. maybe i'm being silly and naive, but i'm happy, and that's all that counts. i'll be even happier next month. lost my train of thought again. i think i'll just leave it at this, and update in a bit when i get this poem that's been floating around in my head down on paper. it'll express how i'm feeling much more effectively than me trying to fight through the mush in my head.

what a day. i got my new fish tank, it's all set up and i moved all my fish (except for one) over. the one fish that stayed has a little bit of something icky on his little fishy forehead, so he's getting medication right now. while at the pet store, my dopey parents saw a cute little 15-month-old basset hound. they decided they really wanted her, so i had to drive up with gidget to see if they would get along. well, they sorta did, and so eventually my stupid parents decided to get her on a foster-home/trial basis (mostly because my idiot brother really wanted her). my brother says he'll walk her and all, but mom and i both know he won't. he's too self-centered, he'll ask one of us to do it because he has to go to the gym or go golf or something equally idiotic. the dog is supposed to sleep in a crate, and the crate is supposed to be in a bedroom, where the dog can see one of us. my brother wants her to sleep in his room, but i said that it would be better for her to stay in my room because my brother will be leaving in two months to move up near his college. my parents, not wanting to say no to their dear son, decided the dog will sleep in the kitchen. she'll probably cry and howl all night because she can't see anyone, but we don't want to upset my brother, now do we? *sigh* also, i have this problem with chronic anxiety, where the normal 'what ifs' just snowball into obsessive worrying. our 5-year-old dog gidget is really grouchy, and does not like the new dog (gracie). i'm paranoid that they'll get into a fight and one of them will get hurt. so now, every time i hear growling or barking, i freak out. i can't stand seeing dogs get hurt, i really can't. my brother and father don't understand it. i can't help it. if i could i would, but i freakin' can't. it's not my fault. i just don't know what to do...

you see that entry before this one? that person that i so beautifully described is a liar. i'm so... hurt. i don't know where to even begin. i'm hoping he's got some good reasons for what he's done... and that he can explain his way out of it...

sorry i haven't updated this lately. been busy with finals and slacking off. plus my computer was in the dumps. but i got it fixed (rebuilt!) today, so it's all better and i can update. i'm happy now, but at the same time i'm not. there's someone i really like, but can't be with. he's too far away. he's the sweetest guy in the world, and we've got so much in common it's freaky. i really wish we could be near each other... but we might be soon, and that's enough for me. there's so much i want to tell him, but i think it's too soon. it can always wait, there's no hurry. i just hope that he feels the same way about me.

so now it's summer, and i need to find a job since i decided not to take classes. i've got a friend that's helping me find one, but she's a little flaky, so i'm not betting on her finding me a job. oh well, right? i'm off to write some poetry. i haven't written any in a very long time.

i've got a final tomorrow. french. i don't even know what room it's in. oh well. thanks to all the people who tip and vote + for me on camwhores. it really is very much appreciated. i was going to start a couple more projects this weekend, but i just didn't get around to it. do you know how hard it is to type with these damn acrylic nails? it's horrible. but my natural nails are so chewed and broken, i can't stand my hands. bleh. anyway, not much to say right now. hoping to get some good tips tonight, since it's saturday night. wish me luck on my final tomorrow. i think i'll need more luck finding the room than doing well on the final.

well, i had another update, but i did it on my parents' computer and then couldn't upload it. so oh well. i took the phone jack off the wall and tightened some of the wire connections, and now the line seems to like the whole 'online' idea again. so i'm happy, and i can use my computer again. got some updates done on this site and on androgyny, one of my cliques. i need to start working on that new clique idea, the one for sunflower seed lovers. maybe this weekend. i'm planning on revamping androgyny, and doing the sunflower seed clique in the style of neo universe, because i really like how that layout turned out. maybe i'm lazy and cheap, but i like uniformity of sites. i won't be redoing sparkly monkey though. too much content for such a simple layout, i think.

it's nice to sit in front of my huge desk and mess with my computer while watching my very-stupid-but-very-pretty fish swim around in their tank. i really love my fish. they're so pretty. they're my babies. anyway, after a stressful week of projects and assignments, i'm going to go sit on the couch and veg out in front of the huge tv. today was my last day of classes, and finals don't start until friday. i have to go pick up some design projects friday, but i don't have any actual finals. i went to my grandparents' house for dinner tonight, and told my grandma that we should go shopping saturday, and drag my mom along. i haven't been shopping for a while. i could use some new jeans, my favorite two pairs are kind of bleach-and-paint stained. oh well, the abuse my clothes take for my being an art major.

hey, if you're out there reading this, drop me an email or leave a note on my chatterbox to let me know. i always have so much to say, but if no one's listening, what's the point, right? lol, to the tv i go!

this sucks. i moved back home, and now i'm stuck using aol because my jackass brother won't give up the dsl box. he's never even freakin' home, but yet he claims that his friends get a hold of him online. BULLSHIT. they call his cell phone. god i hate him. and my stupid parents think i'm just being silly and i can get online fine. the phone lines are so rotted that i get online for five minutes, then i get booted right off. it's ridiculous. oh, and if either of my parents are reading this, get off my site. you suck, this is my blog, my whining space, my bitch time. if you don't like it, then you shouldn't have gotten a computer years ago and let me get online and learn all this.

so now i'm pissed off. but oh well. i went out last night. went to this place, monkey club, which played pretty much only rap music with a few dance songs here and there. i didn't have much fun. the friend i went with, jami, is such a freak. but oh well. i hope i can get online long enough to freakin' upload this. i want to turn my cam on, since i haven't been camming for a few days, but i can't. the connection would freak out and go to shit. *sigh* i hate my family sometimes. they're such assholes.

still sick. slept through classes today, because i feel icky. watched chocolat last night. it was really good, i'll probably go buy it sometime this week (was a rental). going to watch chasing amy tonight. haven't seen it before, thanks to mark for letting me borrow it.

a big thank you to everyone who tipped me last night, that was very awesome of you, and it's very greatly appreciated. if you don't know what i'm talking about, click on that little paypal link on the bottom left portion of this page.

tomorrow should be nice. i only have one class, because design is cancelled (professor will be out of town for a meeting or something). i'm trying so hard to get through this semester, but it's getting more difficult now that i'm not feeling so great. *sigh* oh well. i'm off to watch that movie, then i'll shower and get ready to do some site work and have some fun cam-time. my dear friend dom gave me the idea to start a clique for sunflower seed lovers, so i'll be doing that tonight. speaking of dom, go visit his site by clicking on the red 'dirty dozen' button on the right side there. *thumbs up*

i'm sick. again. i hate spring, because i always get sick five million times. i missed both my classes today, because all i can do is sit here and cough. i could have sat through class, but i didn't want to disrupt and all. only a few more weeks left. i have to find a job for the summer. my dad keeps throwing work at me, but he doesn't want to hire me because he 'doesn't have enough for me to do'. blah, whatever. mom's trying to get me to work in stupid jobs. i just want to sit around and do webdesign or something fun. i'd *really* like to go up to new york and spend the summer with my grandparents, but i doubt that'll happen, because my dad is hellbent on me working. i'm so tired... my nose is all farked up. blah.

i added two new affiliates, which you should go visit because their sites rock hardcore. in a bit, i'm going to go through all my cliques, and take the ones that are down, or moved, or whatever off my list. then i'm going to join a bunch more. i found a few labyrinth ones that i'm dying to join, and there's nothing i like more than labyrinth shtuff.

yesterday, in target, i found this new 8ball, called the date ball, which is pink and sparkly. i had to have it. so now i have it. and it's so cute. it glows under blacklight, too, so that's even more fun. if you look at my cam image, you can see another of my purchases, a pink feather boa (which appears orange under blacklight). i had fun last night writing in highlighter on things (including myself, lol) and being silly. i got a new faceplate for my cell, with a matching case. both red, with the most adorable monkey on them. the faceplate also has bananas on it, and the case is fuzzy. i spent a little too much, but it was just too good to pass up, y'know? just means i won't be feeding my dvd habit as much this week. oh well! i'm going to go do something productive now, other than talk about my silly self. ^_^

another fun-filled day in the life of me. slept through french (big shock) then went to design (which wasn't so bad). came home, got on the computer, and started playing with my site (oh no, not that). i went looking for l'arc~en~ciel cliques, and i couldn't freakin' find any. can you believe that crap? so anyway, i started my own. it's linked over there on the right, under my first clique, androgyny. i'm getting pretty good at getting sites up in a few hours or so. i should be doing schoolwork.. but this is so much more fun! anyway, i have to go to the bathroom, and i'm hungry, so this is going to be short. i really just wanted to say something about my new clique. if you haven't heard of l'arc~en~ciel before, go download some of their music, it's really incredibly totally awesome. if you have heard of them, then go look at my clique and join. ^_^

today's been a pretty okay day so far. not like i did a whole lot, just went to class and then to buy Seven (the movie). it was $25, but i really wanted it. i'm up to 31 dvds now. not bad, considering i got my ps2 for christmas.

small updates on the site. moved a few cliques to the front page, added a 'more links' popup. if you want me to link you, just email me with a button and all. i want to get a whole buttload of links going. i think that'd be awesome, to have a little scrolly window that goes on and on... hehe, then again, i'm nuts.

anyway, i turned in my third painting for color fundamentals today. we had to stand up and talk a little about our paintings and the color schemes, blah blah blah. wasn't too bad. i didn't get my paper done though, so i'll do that tomorrow night and turn it in thursday, no big deal. it's so nice, i don't have any stress tonight. i knew that after sunday and monday nights, the rest of the week would be cake. i didn't even plan on tinkering with my site, but of course, i am. i added some totally adorable little sprites underneath the blog, from two fabulous sites which you can get to by clicking those sprites, and also by clicking on the 'more' link under the random sites over on the right there. whee, so much to babble about! ^_^

so my birthday's coming up. do you love me enough to send me something? if ya do (;D) check out my amazon.com wishlist over there. i don't even know what day of the week my birthday falls on. if it's a weekend, then i'll probably be out of town. if it's a weekday, then i'll be at home celebrating with my parents. i hope my mom doesn't get tipsy and try to spray me and dad with binaca again, although that was incredibly funny last year. my mom is silly. but she's really awesome. yeah, we fight sometimes, but she's a LOT of fun to go shopping with and watch tv and do house-projects. we're going to semi-redecorate my room at home this summer, since i'll be living there. so far, we took out the biiiiiig old bed i had (huge brass monstrosity, took up a ridiculous amount of space) and brought in my old twin white iron bed. i haven't used it since i was like 8! then we went to target and i won the battle for the powerpuff girls sheet set (teehee). we took my big black beanbag out of there and brought in my brother's green wicker basket chair. i had a basket chair, but mine broke because my friends and i, in high school, would sit in the round part and spin. hehe, we were dumb. i'm in a good mood tonight. holy cow, i didn't realize how much i'd typed so far! wow, i really *did* have a lot to say! i gotta start moving stuff back home this weekend. i'm i need to clean my room tonight. there's a clear path which curves from the bed to my desk, then past the tv to the door. it's pretty funny. it's not like i've got tons of garbage all over the place, it's all art supplies. oh well! i should go finish my little site updates, then go watch my new movie. i'd like to find some more affiliates/people to do link exchanges with. if you'd like to do a link exchange or affiliate with me, drop me an email! thanks to the three people who have joined my clique so far, too. you guys rock! ^_^

another fun monday. classes were okay. i've been working on a site, duct tape my soul, which belongs to a friend. check it out sometime. that reminds me, he needs a guestbook...

but anyway, tonight i have to finish a painting and write a dinky two page paper for my color fundamentals class. that won't take long tonight, so i'm putzing around for a bit. i need to put gas in my car and find something to eat for dinner. i should go to the grocery store and get some decent food, but i'm too tired. i'll probably get mcdonalds again. oh well. maybe i'll update again tonight. i'll probably be bored enough. i'll probably forget though. *shrug*

whee. today was boring, but not a bad day. wasn't a terribly good day, either, but it wasn't bad. finally added my wishlist to the site, yay! i'm too tired to really say much, but i wanted to add something, so that i don't fall into the habit of not updating and all. ^_^

took my art apprec test this morning. i think i did all right. i know my grade in that class is going to suck. i hate letting my parents down like that, but i'm so burnt out, i just don't care. if they want me to do well, they need to help me out a little. i'm so completely apathetic about school now. i have one more class today, at 1. all i have to do is gesso my board, and maybe my floor cloth. i'm not going to start painting yet. and i don't have any work to do tonight. i need to get to bed at a decent time tonight, because i have to go to classes tomorrow. one more month.. then i'm done... i can make it... right?

so is anyone else sick of april fools' day already? i know i am. i missed both my classes today. i woke up when my alarm went off and everything, but... i'm just done caring. i'm so stressed out, and just plain bored with this semester. it's *not fun*. if it's my major, shouldn't it be fun? *sigh* this friday, i'm going to try to go down to the art institute of fort lauderdale with my parents, to talk to one of the advisors and see the campus and all. i might transfer there this fall, depending on how long it would take me to get an animation degree there. yes, i'm going back to animation. after trying different majors for three years, i said screw it, and i'm going back to what i really want to do. i thought graphic design was close enough, and it would be fun.. but it's not. i don't like it. so i'm going back to animation. i'm really at a point where i want to give up completely, which is bad. i want a degree, i want to have a really great career that i love, but... it's been one problem after another, continuous bumps in the road, more crap every time i turn around... it's to the point where i'm taking it one week at a time. i can't take it one day at a time, because i have to plan out my study time and all depending on what i have that week, but... it's working so far. sort of. :/ oh well... if you're reading this, just keep your fingers crossed that i make it through this semester with decent grades.

yay, new layout. It took me about 7 hours to do, which isn't bad, considering how little (i think) i know. i really like it. i was getting tired of having a splash and all. i think this is a much better layout. and i like the font and monkeys in the header.

not much going on. my week was pretty horrible, but now it's time to veg out. i have a little bit of work to do this weekend, but not too much. i'm just glad i don't have anything to do tonight, because my brain is just about done. it figures that on the night i have off, i would sit and spent my time redesigning my site. what can i say, i'm nuts!

well, now i'm going to go sit and kill time until mark gets here with dinner. i'm hungry... ;.;

march 25, 2002 10:28 am

ugh. i feel like crap today. my head hurts, my throat is completely dry... i really hate being sick. i thought i was getting better, but i guess not. so now i'm stuck here, missing my classes because i feel too crappy to sit through 4 hours of learning. now my chest hurts. i should go back to bed, but i can't sleep because of the stupid construction. oh, and if i sleep too much, i'll be up all night. *sigh*

so a couple of my ex-friends are being super crappy. if you had a friend who got back together with an ex, and maybe you had doubts about it but your friend really wants this, wouldn't you just bite your tongue and be happy that he's happy? i mean, isn't it really stupid to claim you want someone to be happy, and then destroy what's making them happy? i don't get it, and neither does mark. we just want them to let us be. we're happy together, and that's all that counts, right?

i need to go back to target when i get some more money. stigmata is $9.44. i have it on vhs, but who watches videotapes anymore? i want it on dvd. i got the island of dr moreau, which i hadn't seen in a long time. watched it while i worked on my latest design project, which came out really cool. one part of it was an ink wash of a color picture. i used an amano piece, of celes chere. it came out incredibly cool. i might redo one, in a bigger size, and put it on the wall. i'll have to use some different paper though - drawing paper does not like water and warps badly!

boy, i've got a lot to blabber about today. probably because i'm not feeling well, and there's no one online to talk to. i want to call my mom. i want to go home. i'm not liking living here. i don't even want to come back in the fall. i mean, it's almost worth it to just stay at home and take classes three days a week, driving an hour both ways. if i take afternoon classes, it shouldn't be bad at all. i definetely think i want to get drawing out of the way this summer. from what i've heard, it's a beast of a class. i'm so swamped and stressed this semester that i think it would be in my best interest to take only drawing during the summer, so that i won't have to take it when i'm taking other classes. after this semester, i'll be done with my general education requirements, so from there on out, it'll be all art courses. i'm almost done, but because i'm not taking a full schedule this summer, it'll put me behind a semester or so. oh well, i'd rather keep my sanity and take a little longer to graduate than push myself beyond my limits and go insane. i think i've blabbered enough for now, don't you?

march 24, 2002 11:36 am

i actually got up early today. probably because I crashed at like 2am last night. went to see ice age, it was really funny. i'll more than likely buy it when it comes out on dvd. this week is so totally going to suck. i've got so much work, so much crap. i just want to crawl in bed and give up. only about a month left, then i'm done. if i can just make it through this week, then i'll have about a week or so of smooth sailing, no projects, all that stuff. i have a design project due tomorrow. got a whole bunch of french to do today. astronomy and art apprec tests thursday, along with a color fund. project (which is almost done, so that's the least of my worries). i need to get more bottles of water. i hate refilling them, because the water here tastes like crap. looks like another beautiful sunny florida day. too bad i'm too tired and have too much work to actually go outside and enjoy it.

just a few words to all you college students from other states who come to florida for spring break - STAY IN YOUR OWN DAMN STATE! you're really annoying, and it's not funny when you all get plastered and cause accidents. we've got the retirement communities for that, thank-you-very-much. oh, and stop messing with the sharks - they *will* win, and you will lose.

march 20, 2002 3:42 pm

my throat hurts today. i hope i'm not getting sick... i hate being sick. but oh well. tonight, i don't have any work to do. tomorrow i don't have to get up early. so that means i can just take it easy tonight and get to bed at a decent time. i redid my ghetto blog, and finished putting the basics together on my clique, androgyny. go check it out and join, it'd make me happy.

it's a really beautiful day out. i wish i was outside doing something, but i don't want to make myself sicker. besides, i get a great view of two palm trees and pure blue sky from my window. it's nice to have just sunlight flowing in. maybe i'll open my window and let some nice fresh air come in. it might get warm in here... but fresh air always makes me feel better.

i want to add more stuff to my site. i don't know what though. i've seen things like 'what's in my purse right now' and the like, and that's really cute, but i don't want to just gank someone else's idea, y'know? well, if anyone out there is reading this and has a good idea, send it my way. maybe i'll post a huge list of all the figures i have. hmm....

march 18, 2002 9:27 pm

i made a bunch of small changes today. didn't have any homework, and somehow got sucked into working on my site. funny, earlier i was just thinking that i really didn't have anything left to do on my site. teaches me, right? anyway, all i did was change the pictures so they'd pop up in windows fit to the picture, and moved my cliques from the main page to the splash. oh, and the cam link in the navigation window opens up the pop up cam window now, instead of having to go through an extra window. if you want to access my cam without having to go through the entire site, there's a pop up link on the splash to that, too. whew, i did a lot more than i thought. and there are still small changes i want to make. i might take a break for tonight though.

i'm still feeling incredibly burnt out. but i'm glad i have tonight to just do my own thing. it makes getting up for classes tomorrow a lot more bearable. i finally put up some more posters, too. i hate bare spaces on my walls. i think it's ugly, and very dull. if it were up to me, i'd plaster every square inch, including the ceiling, with posters and wall scrolls and junk. then again, i'm also slightly insane. :D

march 17, 2002 10:13 pm

i went up to orlando this past weekend. i had a really great time. went to 4 comic/anime stores today, and got some wicked cool stuff, my favorite of which is my humongous ffx bahamut figure. it's so awesome. i got some comics too, all ah! megami-sama. i should be working on some design homework, but i'm so burned out on this semester. i just want it to end. i don't have the will to do *anything* now. i think i'm coming down with a cold, too. i'd better get to sleep early tonight... well, i think i'm going to go try to get some work done. or make some food. i'm hungry. bah!

march 13, 2002 2:11 am

well, i don't know how else to break it to my mom, so maybe if she visits my site again, she'll find out. i got back together with my ex-boyfriend mark. we really love each other, and we have so much fun together. we had been hanging out and just spending time together for a few months, but we finally just broke down and decided to give it another try. when we broke up, it was for some now-unimportant reasons.

so anyway, i got my second painting done for color fundamentals done today. it's not due until next tuesday, but it's nice to have it done and out of the way. i have a design test tomorrow, and i haven't studied yet, but i'm just too tired to care. i'll probably read through the chapter while i'm pretending to pay attention in french class, and hope the information sticks in my head just long enough to take the test. then thursday i have a french test, oral, which i need to study for. i just need to memorize a few phrases, it's a really specific test. this weekend i'm going to go up to orlando. my best friend nickie and a bunch of her friends from her college are going there for their spring break. my spring break was last week, and i went up to nickie's college for eight days. it was a lot of fun, but i was glad to get back to my regular schedule and the nice warm florida sunshine.

i don't really have much of anything else to say... oh! in two weekends, there's a big concert/music festival in miami. i really want to go, and mark says he'll go. it's like, 13 hours long (noon to 1am), but we're not planning on staying the entire time. i need to get my ticket this weekend. oye! so much to do, too braindead to remember it all. oh well, that's why i've got my planner, right? ^_^

february 28, 2002 1:06 am

been a few days. i like to push buttons. i get myself in trouble, but i can't help it. i probably hurt someone i really honestly do care about, but i'm so mad because he ignores me most of the time. so i'll make him miserable, just because i can. oh well.

i can't wait for spring break to start. i have three classes tomorrow, only one of which i'm going to. our project got pushed back, and i'm almost done, so i'm going to try to finish it before i leave, so i don't have to worry about it when i get back from atlanta.

i don't like hurting feelings, but sometimes it's better than sitting back and feeling ignored and depressed. so i'd rather go on a b*tch spree. at least life's interesting...

february 24, 2002 4:40 pm

mommy came to see my site. mommy says i can't curse anymore. so i edited my past rants so that there are no more bad words. hi mom. happy now? :p

so now i won't be driving up to atlanta, i'll be flying. i made my parents a deal that if i agreed to fly, they had to give me more money. so it's a win-win thing. i'm getting my tongue repierced while i'm up there. i really miss my tongue bar. maybe i'll break down and get myself a nice purple one while i'm at it. i won't be able to change it right away, but i'll have it and it'll be grand.

i spent the weekend at home. went to see queen of the damned. it sucked. well, the movie itself was pretty good, but it totally didn't follow the book, and that irked me beyond belief. what can you do though, right? i need to clean my room. it's not really bad, but there are just little things out of place here and there. i think tonight will be another origami night, since all i have to do for tomorrow is some french homework, and get some construction paper.

my bonsai are all dying. except for one. it's bummin' me out, because i started with like five strong sprouts. oh well, guess my windowsill isn't the ideal place to grow plants.

i sure did have a lot to say today. i'll probably have some more to say later. and i didn't curse once! go me. oh yeah, i brought my other tiara back with me, so look for it on cam. i want to be a pretty princess, darnit.

february 20, 2002 12:45 am

well, i worked my arse off on that project, right up until class time, but i wasn't able to finish. so i skipped class. i'm almost done, just have two more (redone) squares to stick on. i didn't really study for my design test tomorrow, mostly because i don't give a poop. my french test will be beyond easy, thank god. tomorrow evening should be spent entirely on studying for my astronomy test (which is thursday morning) but i have to get some sleep tonight or else i'll be dead tired tomorrow, like i was today, and won't be able to focus on a book.

i really farking hate school sometimes.

february 18, 2002 11:06 pm

the old guestbook wasn't updating the name and address and junk, so i made a new one. freakin' sign it, i'd really like to know if anyone is visiting my site. i had to blow another $35 on art supplies today. ran out of white paint and other stuff. i have a project due tomorrow, and i'm nowhere near done. i've got until 1pm tomorrow to finish it. i don't intend on sleeping much tonight. wednesday, i have two tests. thursday, another test. i hate this week. i hope i can somehow get through it without screwing anything up.

february 17, 2002 6:52 pm

added some pictures to the 'about me' section and applied to join some more cliques and webrings. i should be working on my paint swatches for color fund., but i'm feeling lazy. project's due tuesday, i'll just stress over it tomorrow night. i expect to be woken up at 8 am tomorrow, by the wonderful construction. although, they finished chipping all the stucco off the walls, so maybe it'll be quiet around here. ah well.

i remembered to grab my poetry books from home, and i think there are a few poems i haven't posted yet, so i might do that later. i think i might just sit here and scratch my arse though. that's always more fun than actually accomplishing something.

february 12, 2002 1:22 am

so i finally broke down and got myself a domain. now i'm just waiting to get everything uploaded and set up. a big thank you to tomas for hosting me. school sucks. i'm taking three art classes this semester, but i'm not really enjoying any of them. valentine's day is coming up, and i'm single as always. there are guys i want to be with, but for some reason or another, i can't be with any of them. really sucks. i should be in bed right now. i actually have to go to art apprec tomorrow, then astronomy, and finally color fundamentals. and i have a big-arse design project to do tomorrow evening, because i'm a slacker and didn't start it yet and it's due wednesday. well, i think it's due wednesday. i would know if i had gone to class today, but... i didn't start it, and so i didn't want to go. blah! i'm ready for this semester to be over already. maybe i should take the summer off, just to give myself a break... i don't want to be completely burned out on school before i'm ready to graduate...