long time no update. if you visit this site every once in a while, you'll notice that i trashed the page that used to be here and put the blog back up. i figured no one would check the blog to read this update since i haven't updated in so long, but some of you would be more likely to pull up the page in passing, for shits and giggles or otherwise. as most of you know, florida has been slammed pretty hard this season with hurricanes. thankfully, charley missed the area i live in, but we were faced with a slap-fest of sorts from frances. my house sustained limited damage, all of which was to the pool screen (and that only consisted of about half of the screen panels being ripped or knocked out). my dad's car took a few bumps from falling branches, but nothing irrepairable or terribly unsightly. my dad, of course, is anal about his car and therefore wants to get every little ding fixed. stupid idiot could have moved his car over to the other end of the driveway, where the rest of the cars were. all our other cars (four of them, currently) were fine and didn't see so much as a scratch. ah well. enough about the damn hurricane.

i spent the last few days up in new york with my grandma. she was supposed to be flying back down to florida with my cousins' other grandmother (not related to me... duh) but the guy who was going to drive her car down to florida for her (...) couldn't make it for another two weeks because of the hurricane. so rather than go without a car for two weeks (woman shouldn't be driving anyway, if you ask me) she changes her plane ticket and THEN calls my side of the family to let us know. my uncle was the first to find out, and he's got the typical fiery new york temper. boy oh boy was he livid. the first person he called was my mother, who quickly thought to ask me to go. i haven't had classes for the past week or so because of the hurricane, and after speaking to my manager on the phone, i didn't have to work, so i happily obliged. see, i haven't been up to the house on panamoka for a few years, and i've never been there without my grandfather being present. both nights we stayed at the house, i would walk outside and just think about my grandfather, and all the memories over the years. i went outside, mind you, because i didn't want to upset my grandmother. she's not going to keel over anytime soon, but she's becoming more and more frail and we have to watch her carefully to make sure she doesn't overexert herself and all. so the last thing i wanted to do was let her see me in such a state. so anyway, yesterday my uncle and one of my cousins came out to the house to help us close it up for the next nine months or so. after finishing, we drove out to my aunt and uncle's house, where we stayed for one night, since my aunt was going to be driving us to the airport. now, our flight was scheduled to leave at 11:35. with all the security crap and check-ins and what-not, don't most people get there at least two hours before the flight is scheduled to leave? well apparantly not my aunt! she thought it would be fine to leave at 9:30 (the trip from their house to the airport takes about 45 minutes). we wheedled her down to 9:15, but she didn't seem like she was going to budge. i finally got fed up and told her that if we left at 9, we wouldn't have to rush, and my grandma wouldn't have to walk fast around the airport terminal. my supreme logic eventually won. (go me). so we get up, get out the door around 9, get to the airport, stand in line for check-in, the usual crap. we're second in the line when some stupid delta employee comes up and asks for anyone on the 11:00 flight. well fark me, there were like 10 people, and she bumped them all up to the front of the line. i had already reamed a couple of airport employees out, and i was about to blow up. for the sake of my grandmother though (she was already nervous and a little upset at my temper) i calmed down and explained to the biotch that my grandmother could not walk quickly and could we PLEASE get through the godforsaken line so we could make our flight on time? she obliged without the need for me to get verbally abusive, thank god. from there on out, it was smooth sailing. i didn't mind when i was chosen to be searched (mind you, i was chosen on the flight up to new york also... grah) but that's mostly because the guy who had to check my bags and stuff was rather cute and didn't mind my smelly feet jokes (hey, you ask me to take my brand-new pink boots with fur lining off in the middle of a crappy airport and you're going to get some lip). ah i forgot what else i was going to say but i'm home. whee.

so tomorrow i have to go back to classes. i don't know what's going to happen, but if my professors throw hissies about work not being done.. well they're just going to have to kiss my white bootie. between the hurricane itself, the residual no-power-no-groceries-no-nothing, and the sudden trip out-of-town, i don't give a rat's ass what they want. life is tearing me down lately, and i'm about ready to let loose my wrath on the world. or, at least, my little piece of it. i know i need to go to bed, and i'm tired as hell, but i'm tired of being tired. i never used to be this worn out and... boring. that's what i am! i'm boring! i don't go out, i don't hang out with friends, i hardly call anyone.. i can't even stay on my computer past midnight because i'm falling asleep! it's ridiculous. and i know exactly why. between working full time, goign to school full time, and dealing with my pain-in-the-ass, mary fricken' sunshine, 'why don't you clean your room and straighten your hair and oh my god you can't wear that out of the house because i don't like that color and your room is a mess still and i'll do your laundry but you have to bring it out but you didn't bring it out so i'm going to go get it and while i'm in there i'm going to ransack everything and claim i'm cleaning for you but i'm really really going through your stuff because even though you're 24 and we don't want you to move out and we won't let you move out and we know you won't try to move out on your own because you still don't make enough money at the crap job so don't even act like you're big and bad and can leave you're stuck with us you loser loser loser now don't forget to clean your room because i'm going to go in tomorrow and vacuum and suck up hair ties and throw away anything in this pile i don't care what it is oh my god was that your favorite article or your homework or a letter from your best friend oh i'm so sorry i was just trying to help but if you'd clean up once in a while and put things where they belong then we wouldn't have this problem and while your'e at it why don't you go through all those clothes in your closet and get rid of some of them because i know you don't wear all those old clothes and you don't have enough space and... ' ugh. i'd better stop because i'm getting riled up again and that's bad. though i think just to piss her off i'm going to walk out to the kitchen and have another eclair or something. because she doesn't want me to eat crap like that, because i'm FAT, but she still brings that shit into the house when i've told her repeatedly that if she doesn't want me to eat it, she'd better not bring it in the house. she had brought home some milano cookies and we got into another row about food and i told her to throw them out and she said she would, right then and there... but then a day or two later i found them in the back of the fridge in the garage. so i took the whole package and ate them all. hah. take that, food nazi.

i had forgotten how therapeutic this blog could be. i'll add more tomorrow, but for now... i'm done.

my grandfather passed away in his sleep last night. he was 77 years old. he lived a very good life, as a firefighter in new york, husband, father of two and grandfather of five. I was the first grandchild, the one who gave him the title of grandfather. He taught me how to ride a bike, he gave the best hugs, he and my grandmother took me to see plays when i visited them on long island. he and my grandmother lived in the same town as myself, my brother, and my parents for almost 16 years. whenever i got mad at my parents i would ride my bike or make my parents drive me over there. i can't believe he's gone. yeah, he was diabetic and was having trouble walking and finally had to get a wheelchair yesterday... but no one saw this coming so suddenly. when my father knocked on my door this morning to tell me what had happened, i thought i was in trouble by the grave tone in his voice. when he told me that my grandfather was gone, i almost collapsed right there in the hallway. i've never had someone close to me die. i don't know how to handle it. i don't know what i'm supposed to do or how i'm supposed to act. all i know is that i've been crying almost nonstop all day long. for the brief time i was at my grandparents' house, i was able to control my tears for the most part, until i went to the garage to get a soda. i had noticed many times before all the pictures on the wall in the garage, but today i stopped to look at them. old black and white photographs of my grandfather as a firefighter, in his captain's uniform, with his crew. i've heard so many stories of his life as a firefighter. his most prized possession was the bell that his crew stole from their own firetruck to have mounted and engraved to give to him when he retired. i saw that wall and i couldn't hold it. i stayed in the garage for almost half an hour because i didn't want my grandmother to see me so upset and risk upsetting her. she's in shock or something. my parents are pretty calm too. i didn't know, but my grandfather was suffering greatly. my parents have always sort of shielded us kids from the horrors of adulthood, like bills and illness and all. i think what hurts the most is that i don't get any sort of closure. i guess my parents could see it coming, because of how poorly his health was faring, but i had no idea. i hadn't seen him for several days, even though my parents were over there last night. god, if there was one thing i could have right now, i would want to tell my grandfather just one more time that i love him.

if anyone is reading, please keep my grandmother in your prayers. anyone that talks to me regularly would know, but about a month ago my grandmother had an aneurism and was in the hospital for three weeks. as if that wasn't hard enough, as soon as she got home my grandfather had to go to the hospital to get a pacemaker. *sigh* i just wish i knew what to do.

i went to best buy tonight and got the three-disc black tie white noise re-release. after watching the dvd part of it, and listening to the cd (still listening..) i think i may have to cream myself. i keep thinking about the concert in may and i still can't believe i'm going. i mean, i have adored this man and his music for so long.. and he's never really come close to florida (much less down to south florida). when i found out he was coming to miami, i wasn't sure if i was going to be able to go. none of my friends are bowie fans, and i figured my parents would whine about the drive all the way to miami... but my mother instantly decided to go with me and my father volunteered to drive us down without any prodding or asking. my dad was in charge of going online at 10 am on a saturday when i was working just to get me the best tickets he possibly could (and he did quite well). the venue is so small, it's going to be amazing... i simply cannot wait. i still can't believe it. every once in a while i'll be thinking about it, and it hits me that I'M GOING TO SEE DAVID BOWIE LIVE. i. can't. believe. it. i just can't. i'm going to set aside a couple hundred dollars to blow on merchandise at the concert, because this is one thing i'll want to remember forever. i wish cameras were allowed, but of course they're not and that's understandable. anyway.. i decided to update tonight because i'm super excited about the concert, obviously, and i added some bowie-related quizzes to the 'more info (on me)' section of the site. they really serve no purpose other than pure entertainment for myself, but i still stuck them up there. okay, it's time for me to go to bed and dream about the concert. i've been ripping all my bowie cds onto the computer, so i think tonight i'm going to set up a massive bowie playlist and fall asleep to all my favorites. ^_^

currently listening to: black tie white noise, david bowie

i'm trying to update more often. really, i am. anyway, i'm sick. caught myself a nice little cold. i stayed in bed all day today, didn't go to classes or anything. oh, wait, i did run to walgreens around 7 to get some alka seltzer cold and cough drops. but yeah, that's the extent of my outdoor ventures today. pretty lame. i probably would have sent my mother to the store for me, but i never stay inside all day, and i was about ready to go crazy. that fifteen minute trip was enough.

so tomorrow i've got work. i'm going to get up in the morning and go, and hopefully i'll make it through the day, but i was feeling quite horrible this morning when i woke up. oh well. i hate getting sick. i always get knocked out for a couple of days, and it sets me back so far. *sigh* hopefully it won't last long. no congestion, just my sinuses. i'll get plenty of sleep and drink plenty of fluids and hope for the best. at least i didn't get sick two weeks ago, when i had like three tests in one week. that definetely would have sucked.

yeah, that's about all i have to say. ah! but wait! how could i forget valentine's day? i worked all day, and came home to find my grandparents at the house. i was cranky about it until i opened the present they bought for me; a ruby and diamond bracelet. now, normally for v-day, my family will get me cards and maybe some chocolate, so this was a complete shock. also, i don't have anything else with rubies, so this was very cool. i want to wear it, but i'm afraid of it falling off at work, and i haven't been to classes yet. anyway, back to v-day. my friend chris called but i didn't get a chance to call him back. i got another phone call around 12:30 am, from this other guy that i've liked for a while, but i don't know what's up with him. he only wanted to say happy valentine's day and see how i was (since i had been complaining quite a bit about v-day sucking) and i don't know what to make of the call. ugh. i wish everything was straight up but it's not and it drives me nuts. now i'm getting cranky about it, lol. that's my cue to stop typing, so yeah, i'm done.

currently listening to: the urge - jump right in <-- thanks dom! you've got me hooked on that song now! :p

yeah, i didn't update for a long time. oops. for a while i didn't have a decent connection to my computer, so i just wasn't on the computer much, and then i was always out with my friends. but tonight i'm in, and bored, and tired of letting my site go to crap. so i'm updating. hurrah. i have a lot of link fixing and html updating to do, but.. i don't have anything else to do tonight. i'm considering putting the boyfriend application back up, too. i still have it on my computer, it's just a matter of posting it on the site.

so the spring semester started a month or so ago, so i've been busy seven days a week. two of those days i go to classes, and the other five i go to work. on thursdays, i run home from work, eat a quick dinner, change, and run to another class. it really sucks, but if this is what i have to do to get to the finish line.. then that's what i'm going to do. but i do mostly get my evenings to myself. i usually play animal crossing for a few hours, poke around online, watch some tv, and eventually fall asleep. sometimes i do homework (not often though, teehee). yeah... not terribly interesting, is it?

i convinced my parents to let me have a guinea pig. my friend's piggies had babies and she doesn't want to keep all of them, so i get one (or two.. i might take two babies.. don't know yet). I cleared a space in my room and everything. she was supposed to call me tonight so i could go pick 'em out, but she hasn't called. i'm kind of cranky about that. i mean, if you tell me you're going to call or email or IM me, then don't forget about it or just blow it off. to me, it just says loud and clear that your time is more important, and my daily activities don't matter. blech.

yup, that's about it. life's dull, as always. i'm single, as always (and looking, as always). i'm closer to graduation, but still fighting to stay sane. still randomly camming, even more randomly updating my site. oh yeah, speaking of my site... i want to get another domain dedicated more to my cam and stuff, but i'm way too lazy to work it all out. if anyone's willing to help, im or email me and we'll discuss. i'm also looking for someone to fix up the layout i've done here. not totally change it but jazz it up a little and make it look more put together and less thrown together. ^_^

that's all! sign my guestbook and send me nice emails and check out my wishlists! :D

currently listening to: baby bash - sugar sugar