it's been a long time since i've blogged on my site. yes, i graduated in may. yes, i finally moved into my condo. yes, i'm still working at lion country safari. life's pretty dull, but nice at the same time. i do feel like i'm stagnant, since i'm not in school anymore. for seven years the majority of my time was taken up by classes and studying. fall, spring, and summer i was working my blonde butt off in school. ah well. there's always grad school.

so last night i went out. drinking. yes, i know. i'm a funny drunk. and boy was i drunk. anyway that's not the point. i went out to finally meet this guy and i almost didn't go because of transportation issues and phone issues. it really was a miracle that i made it there, and even more of a miracle that i made it home. in any case, i had a lot of fun and i'm glad said guy invited me to come out and play. i do believe i'm going to need a week or so to recuperate though, lol.

so now i'm sitting here with a headache and a very pissed off tummy. i managed to eat an egg roll earlier. i should drink some more water and take some more pain meds. i tried to lay down and sleep but i always sleep on my tummy, and my tummy is not feeling good, so i can't sleep. :(

not really anything else to add. i just had the urge to update my site blog and so i did. go me.

currently listening to: the postal service, such great heights

i know what you're thinking, what in god's name am i doing up this late. well, this week is spring break and tomorrow i have neither work nor school. i'm taking this opportunity to do some work on my site, which of course had to wait until after midnight and will take until about 6 am. thank god for help (yay dallas! less work for me! lol).

so yes, in this update i am obviously updating my blog, but also my poetry page has been revived. granted, it's not completely finished, but all of my poems are up and there is a functioning layout. for those of you who have read my poetry before, there's nothing new up there, as i haven't written in quite some time. i have to be in a very specific mood to write, and the past few months or so i've just been too pissed off most of the time to actually write. ah well.

so hopefully i can get this all done tonight, and then tomorrow i will spend the day either cleaning (booo) or playing final fantasy (yay). tomorrow night, however, i have to sit down with the parents to figure out a budget for myself (pending moving) as well as finally do my taxes. my tax return is all going to go towards the decoration of my new condo, so i need to get that in order fairly quickly.

thanks to a select few people, i've been introduced to some new music lately, much of which i'm growing to absolutely adore. anyone that knows me knows that i'm big on music, so i find great pleasure in new artists to enjoy. okay, i have nothing else to say so hopefully everyone out there will read this and go read my poetry and i'll get some new comments in my guestbook and/or zonkboard. wheeeee!

i made this a while ago but it's cool and it's my character so i'm putting it here. :D

currently listening to: cruiserweight, goodbye daily sadness

i swear, i can't update my site for anything anymore. i'm such a slacker.

i guess i would update more often if my life was more interesting, but as it stands, life is dull and there isn't much to say. between school and work, most of my 'free' time is spent playing catch up on either homework or sleep. i'm happy though because i'm on spring break now, so although i'm working almost every day, my nights are completely free. i have one sadistic professor, though, who has a paper due the day we come back from spring break. how rotten is that? i mean, honestly.

i need to get more sleep. i got almost NO sleep last night. i had fun and it was for a good cause (inebriation, yay) but i spent the entire time at work feeling like ass. tonight i'm going to bed nice and early so i can get eight hours of sleep and not be a cranky bitch tomorrow at work. we have enough cranky bitches at that place.

hmm.. what else to say... ah yes. let me rant for a minute about liars. there is nothing i hate more than a liar. eventually, the truth always comes out, so instead of simply being hurt over one simple thing, there's this double whammy of pain; first from knowing you were lied to, and second from what the other person lied about. specifically feelings. i know that doesn't make much sense but it makes sense to me so there. anyone who's close to me knows i've been going through some major shit these past few weeks, and i'm finally feeling like myself again. it helps that i've been going out more often than i usually do, but it's also the company i've been keeping. i'm tired of trying to hang out with the same hypocritical, drama-queen-wannabe group. they're all full of shit. ah well. soon enough that will not be a concern.

so yeah, i'm still accepting boyfriend applications, lol. definetely looking. i don't have to have something serious but i just want someone i can go out with and hug and all that good stuff. no sappy love songs nor expensive dinners required (though always appreciated).

and this leads me into yet another rant. i don't understand guys. when they're young, all they want is the hottest piece of ass on the block. when they get a little older, they want wife/mother material, or so they claim. my running joke is that my great aspiration in life is to be a soccer mom, but i'm not wholly joking when i say that. i know that i want to have children, and i want to raise those children myself. i don't want latchkey kids and i don't want someone else raising my kids. in some weird way, i thought i would find at least a guy or two that would find that mildly attractive. i guess i can chalk it up to the fact that most guys that i meet are so not ready to even think about having kids. all in good time though. i know my karma isn't in the red nor the shitter, so i'll just sit back and bide my time, poking along on my happy little path until fate comes screaming in to muck it all up.

i forgot i had eyeliner on and just rubbed it right across my face. oye vey. it's so time for bed. i know this update was kind of overwhelmingly stream-of-consciousness, but that's what happens when i get sleepy.

currently listening to: maps, yeah yeah yeahs

and i'm sick again. this time it's just a cold, but it sucks nonetheless. i want to stay in bed and sleep but laying down is pure misery when my nose is this stuffy/runny. tmi, i know. totally gross. moving right along, my dad finished fencing in our yard and the crew came today to tear down the pool screen. it's really nice out there now, and the dogs have a much bigger space to run and play in.

my train of thought was momentarily derailed. i have this sudden craving for pocky, and what's even worse is that there's an empty box of pocky sitting on the edge of my desk, taunting me. i wish i could find someplace locally that sold pocky. i don't even care if it's cheap or not, because i end up paying a good chunk when i order online. yesterday was payday, so maybe i'll bounce over to my favorite online japenese store and get some pocky sent my way. that would be nice.

boys suck. i know, i know, common theme in my blog, but they really do suck. the majority of my friends are guys, mostly due to the fact that i'm a computer/video game geek and there are simply more guys into that stuff than girls. but i digress. i have spent the majority of my more intelligent years around guys and i still can't figure them out. they're so stupid sometimes. i don't even know how to vocalize the rest of the thoughts flying through my skull on the topic so i won't even try, but to reiterate - boys suck. btw, that's what my screensaver says. :D

i need to clean my room. i was doing pretty well keeping it clean, but it's starting to get a wee bit messy again. i blame the fact that i'm sick. when i feel better i swear i'll clean my room. i need to reorganize my desk, too. i hate the position of my webcam. hell, i just plain hate my webcam. i wish i could go drop the money for a logitech, but i can't. someone is supposed to be sending me one, but i don't know what's going on with that.

i still miss papa (my grandfather, if you don't know). it'll be a year since he passed away in april. i haven't been able to go back to the cemetary, even though it's right down the road. i just can't bring myself to. my mother and grandmother were funny though. for christmas, they got a little tree and decorated it, then left it on his grave. it made them happy, and i'm sure it made my grandfather happy, wherever he is. i still have the picture of my grandfather with our golden retriever bingo on my desk. bingo was the dog that we had cremated, and was going to be buried alongside my mother someday, but we decided to put his ashes into the coffin with my grandfather. they were the two old men in the family and now they're together. even though i don't believe in god, i hope there's a heaven, because i couldn't bear to think of my grandfather being anywhere else but there. almost a year later and putting words together about my grandfather is still upsetting. christmas was hard. my other grandparents came down and it was just strange having one less table setting there. it used to be my brother and grandfathers on the opposite side from myself and my two grandmothers. i miss him so much. it's still a shock sometimes, to remember that he's gone. sometimes when ama (my grandmother) comes over, i have to stop myself from asking 'where's papa?' i know it breaks his heart to see me crying like this, but i can't help it. it still hurts so much.

crying is not conducive to stopping a runny nose. i'm going to go take some more cold pills and maybe if i'm lucky i'll pass out in bed for a while.

currently listening to: i love you (bt remix), sarah mclachlan

wow. four months since i've updated this thing. as you can tell, i haven't been as active in the realm of the world wide web. i hardly update my webcam, and barely give a thought to my site. i was playing final fantasy xi (which is my latest obsession, if you didn't know already) but have classes tomorrow so i decided not to stay on. for some odd reason, i had the urge to visit my own site and check up on the guestbook and such. and then, in a fit of spontanaeity, i opened up the local folder which holds all the backup files to my site and started updating. not only did i update this blog, but i updated my age on the index (which was somewhat silly since i'll be turning 25 in may) and updated some of the links. if i get the urge to update again, i'm going to go through all those cliques and take off the ones that are broken. but i wouldn't hold my breath, if i were you. ;)

so my spring semester has started. hopefully this will be my last semester of my undergraduate career. i had my pre-graduation check done, both within the major and for the general requirements. everything was fine in both respects, and i have all my paperwork turned in. so now all i have to do is pass my classes and i'm done. not to say i won't go back for graduate school at some point, but this is as far as i feel i am required to go, and it's a very refreshing feeling.

after i graduate i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do with myself. i had originally thought i would jump right into a place of my own and all the things that go along with it, but now i'm thinking that i might not want to stay in west palm beach. i hadn't really thought orlando was an option a few months ago, but now that i'm talking to and visiting some of my old friends, i'm realizing that orlando is a distinct possibility. i know my mother isn't keen on it at all, because of my past experience with said city, but the problems i had up there were always related to school or roommate problems. eliminate those two... and orlando should be wonderful for me. i'm really not too keen on staying here because although i have friends, they are not the type of friends i really want. they're not college educated, they're not working towards life-long careers. they have jobs but these are the types of jobs they will have forever, because they have no futures. it's really sad, and i feel bad for being so blunt.. but it's true. and i want to surround myself with people who make a good living and aren't struggling because they never educated themselves and are able to go out to the movies or to dinner or to a club or something other than sitting at home every night bemoaning their lack of funds or vehicles or fuel or whatever it is this week. *sigh*

not much else going on. lion country safari is the same as it's always been. the staff is ever-changing, but even that has a sense of familiarity, in some strange way. new faces, every day. you get used to it. it's rather disheartening though. i just saw a commercial for the new dvd edition of the fifth element and i want it. won't someone buy it for me? i'll probably end up getting it myself, but not right now. i just paid my car insurance (which has dropped by almost $300/6 months but is still too much) and i have to pay for books. my parents are covering my tuition, thank god. it was less of a hassle this semester to tell my parents how much tuition was because they're so elated that i'm graduating. i could have told them it was going to be $2,000 and they probably would have been thrilled because it's the last time they'll be paying my tuition. i think if i end up going to graduate school, i'll have to pay that on my own. ah well.

and now i must go to bed. granted, i'll probably watch television for another hour or so, but i have to get myself moving in the general direction of sleep if i want to make it through all my classes tomorrow. noon until 10 pm, this should be interesting!